


snacktivist created the chat "legendary idiots"

by Zari_x_Charlie (SuperSanversShipper)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon compliant but also not, Episode: s3e06 Helen Hunt, F/F, F/M, Legendary Idiots, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating Change, Relationships and Friendships will be added later, amari is in here now apparently?, chatfic, gonna be going down every single one of the episodes, im probably going to be late with updates, or at least that's where this one begins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:29:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSanversShipper/pseuds/Zari_x_Charlie
Summary: snacktivistchangedifuckedhedylamaar’s nickname toastonishing!astonishing!:Jefferson, if I ever see you near my phone again, so help me, I will transmute you into a pile of jelly beans and feed them to a dog.





	1. in which the legends absolutely need a groupchat and no this is not negotiable

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooo boy, this is gonna be a wild one. A lot of this is gonna read like a crack fic, but Legends _is_ a crackfic, so,,,, i feel justified?
> 
> zari - snacktivist  
> sara - sara_lancex  
> ray - raymond_palmer  
> amaya - amayaajiwe  
> mick - mickrorxy  
> jax - burningman  
> gideon - gideeeonrider  
> nate - nate_heywoxd  
> martin - martinxstein

**Sat** , **Nov 18** , 11:25

**_snacktivist_ ** _created the chat “legendary idiots”_

**_snacktivist_** _added_ ** _sara_lancex_** _,_ ** _raymond_palmer_** _,_ ** _amayaajiwe_** _,_ ** _mickrorxy_** _,_ ** _burningman_** _,_ ** _gideeeonrider_** _,_ ** _nate_heywoxd_** _, and_ ** _martinxstein_** _to “legendary idiots”_.

**mickrorxy:** what the fuck is this

**martinxstein:** I hate to agree with Mr. Rory, but yes, what exactly is this?

**burningman:** zari made us a groupchat, y’al! lets gooooo!

**nate_heywoxd:** oh hell yeah!!!

**amayaajiwe:** Why? We literally live together. Wouldn’t it be easier to just talk to each other?

**gideeeonrider:** wonderful. now i no longer need to talk to roast you idiots.

**raymond_palmer:** oh that’s cool!!!

**burningman:** DAYUM MS. G!

**mickrorxy:** how do i leave?

**sara_lancex:** mick, if i have to suffer through this, so do you

**snacktivist:** first of all a gc is necessary for anyone who’s on a team duh? and second of all im absolutely shaming **@amayaajiwe** and **@martinxstein** for using caps and punctuation 

**sara_lancex:** what? we’ve been working just fine without a groupchat

**raymond_palmer:** but it’ll be fun to have one, sara!

**amayaajiwe:** What’s wrong with using proper grammar?

**snacktivist: @sara_lancex** the boys just fucked up a socialite party in the 30s we obviously need a gc and also **@burningman** made me show him “future texting”

**burningman:** cmon sara, pleeease

**sara_lancex:** … fine

**martinxstein:** Absolutely, Miss Jiwe, there is nothing shameful about proper grammar. Honestly, Miss Tomaz, how your generation can even understand each other with such wildly varying rules for communication is a mystery.

**snacktivist: @amayaajiwe** **@martinxstein** duh grammar is different on the internet??? its a completely different medium???? it’s not exactly a academic paper??? it’s modeled after the way people talk in real life???? like, does one question mark really communicate the incredulity of my statement? no????? it doesn’t????

**martinxstein:** I suppose I’ll have to concede the point after it being modeled after the way people speak. But one question mark does communicate the incredulity of a question.

**amayaajiwe:** That doesn’t make sense! And why do you have so many question marks at the end of your sentences?

**nate_heywoxd:** wait, why do jax and zari get cool names???? i wanna cool name!!!

**snacktivist: @martinxstein** fite me

**amayaajiwe:** You too, Nate?

**martinxstein:** What?

**nate_heywoxd:**???

**snacktivist:** ur nickname defaults to ur username so go to the corner of the screen and click the gear to change ur name

**snacktivist:** and jax was with me when i made this so he got to change it already

**_nate_heywoxd_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_hardassteel_**  

**_sara_lancex_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_lancelot_ **

**_raymond_palmer_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_schmienceguy_ **

**_gideeeonrider_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_yoursupremecommander_ **

**snacktivist:** yeah no

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_hardassteel_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_steelinghistory_**  

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_yoursupremecommander_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_alexa_ **

**steelinghistory:** wtf, z??? how did u do that???

**alexa:** i am,,,

**alexa:** offended

**burningman:** lmao

**snacktivist:** im the admin duh

**alexa:** we shall see how long that lasts, miss tomaz

**burningman:** [allpowerfulai_littleshithacker_whowouldwin.png]

**steelinghistory:** z. hey, z.

**snacktivist:** what

**steelinghistory:** fuck you

**schmienceguy:** sorry, nate, but it was kind of… not very good

**steelinghistory:** hey!!! hardassteel is a perfectly good name!

**snacktivist:** no

**alexa:** no

**lancelot:** no

**burningman:** no

**schmienceguy:** .… no

**amayaajiwe:** No.

**martinxstein:** No.

**mickrorxy:** nyh

**steelinghistory:** see???? mick agrees with me!!!!

**mickrorxy:** the screens too small my finger hit the wrong button thing

**mickrorxy:** no

**lancelot:** yeah, okay, zari’s in charge of handling the gc

**lancelot:** mostly because i don’t wanna deal with this stuff but also bc she’s clearly got good judgement

**steelinghistory:** what??? no :(((((

**snacktivist:** >:)

**steelinghistory:** :’(

**snacktivist:** >:))))))))))))))))

**snacktivist:** ok since im in charge all of yall who haven’t changed ur nickname already gotta change it and no it can’t be to your real name or your code name

**mickrorxy:** no

**amayaajiwe:** Why?

**snacktivist:** bc i say so and **@lancelot** said im in charge

**amayaajiwe:** Fine.

**martinxstein:** Fine. I’ll get Jefferson to help me with it.

**_amayaajiwe_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_animaniac_**  

**_martinxstein_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_ifuckedhedylamaar_ **

**lancelot:** whoa whoa what the fuck?????

**steelinghistory:** TMI PROFESSOR STEIN

**schmienceguy:** oh, uh. well then.

**mickrorxy:** ha! way to go, professor

**snacktivist:** nope nope nope

**ifuckedhedylamaar:** Jefferson! Come back here at once and change this to something less obscene!

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_ifuckedhedylamaar_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_astonishing!_ **

**astonishing!:** Jefferson, if I ever see you near my phone again, so help me, I will transmute you into a pile of jelly beans and feed them to a dog.

**mickrorxy:** didn’t know you had it in you, professor

**snacktivist:** mick.

**mickrorxy:** no

**snacktivist:** yes

**mickrorxy:** no

**snacktivist:** you have to bc sara said im in charge

**mickrorxy:** BOSS

**lancelot:** she /is/ kinda in charge

**snacktivist:** change it or ill change it for you

**mickrorxy:** fucking try, new girl

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_mickrorxy_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_prisonbreak_ **

**prisonbreak:** …

**prisonbreak:** fine


	2. in which zari tomaz deserves a hug and nate is bi as fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **snacktivist:** who the fuck is that
> 
> **astonishing!:** Language, Ms. Tomaz!
> 
> **snacktivist:** whomst ye fucke is thate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand we're back with more shenanigans! tho this chapter is slightly heavier than the previous one, so... yh. i don't know how good this is, but lemme know what y'al think down below in the comments

_legendary idiots_

**Thur** , **Nov 23** , 13:24

**lancelot:** all legends report to the deck immediately

**schmienceguy:** what’s up sara?

**steelinghistory:** omw

**lancelot:** we’ve been summoned

**burningman:** rlly? after all that, the bureau is asking for us?????

**animaniac:** If it is the Bureau, I don’t think we should go, Sara. Even with your deal, they might still end up forcing Zari back to 2042.

**snacktivist:** thx

**lancelot:** it isn’t the bureau. it’s team flash

**snacktivist:** team what now????? are they a group of shiny ppl???? or like a group who run through parks without shirts on????

**steelinghistory:** you don’t know who team flash are????? how about the flash

**snacktivist:** who the fuck is that

**astonishing!:** Language, Ms. Tomaz!

**snacktivist:** whomst ye fucke is thate

**astonishing!:** Why do I bother?

**steelinghistory:** the flash is another superhero! like us!

**snacktivist:** superhero. right. why are they calling us

**lancelot:** well

**steelinghistory:** how do you not know about the flash???

**snacktivist:** im kinda from a) the future b) a dystopia in which “superheroes” are publicly executed

**steelinghistory:** ok but even if he’s dead he’s a good meta!!! wouldn’t he be like,,,, a hero or something to the underground resistance????

**snacktivist:** 1) what underground resistance 2) if he’s such a well-known meta he was probably killed/captured in the first few years of the anti-meta act so when i was like still a kid

**lancelot:** guys

**steelinghistory:** there wasn’t an underground resistance????? then what was that bar you were at???/

**snacktivist:** a,,,, criminal,,,,,,,,,, bar?????

**steelinghistory:** asdfghjkl and weren’t they going against argus??????

**snacktivist:** have you ever heard of the word mercenary?

**lancelot:** guys!

**steelinghistory:** ofc i have??? but mercs can be part of the underground resistance

**snacktivist:** mercs work for money, not for a cause. aren’t u a historian? u should kno this

**prisonbreak:** new girls right

**schmienceguy:** but nate is also right!!! there probably was an underground resistance, even if u didn’t know abt it z

**lancelot:** Guys

**snacktivist:** if there is an underground resistance, then it can go fuck itself with a chainsaw

**animaniac:** What? Why?

**snacktivist:** bc if they rlly exist then those fuckers did absolutely nothing while my family was motherfucking killed

**animaniac:** Oh.

**schmienceguy:** i’m sorry, z

**snacktivist:** whatever, can we move the fuck on?

**lancelot:** okay, but we’re here to talk if you need it

**snacktivist:** next person to talk about my family and how sorry they are abt them dying gets kicked out of this chat and gets a terrible nickname. now ffs can we fucking move ON?

**lancelot:** okay

**lancelot:** barry and iris invited us for their wedding

**lancelot:** well, they invited mick, me, ray, stein, and jax

**snacktivist:** so shore leave in the past for the rest of us?

**lancelot:** yh bascially. just, all of y’all stay on comms bc we’ve never done anything that hasn’t ended up going wrong ever

**snacktivist:** aye aye cap

* * *

**Thur** , **Nov 23** , 13:53

**_schmienceguy_ ** _created the chat “nerd squad”_

**_schmienceguy_ ** _added_ **_snacktivist_ ** _to “nerd squad”_

**schmienceguy:** hey, z!

**snacktivist:** istg ray, if this is something to try and get me to fucking “open up” or whatever, i swear /will/ follow thru on my threat in the main gc

**schmienceguy:** it isn’t, i promise. its mostly so we can collab on projects

**snacktivist:** fine

**schmienceguy:** but if it helps, all of us get it. we’ve all lost people, and we’re all here for you. no matter what.

**snacktivist:** shut the fuck up ray

* * *

_legendary idiots_

**Thur** , **Nov 23** , 13:56

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_schmienceguy_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_oneinchlong_ **

**burningman:** w o w

**steelinghistory:** hey, i know for a Fact that’s not true

**alexa:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**lancelot:** great now i can never look at ray ever again

**snacktivist:** ^^

**astonishing!:** Can we please keep our personal lives personal?

**oneinchlong:** dunno marty, we kinda all live on the same ship and share a bathroom, so thats pretty hard

**astonishing!:** I refuse to answer a statement made by someone with that name.

**burningman:** o o f

**oneinchlong:** whats wrong with the length of my nails?

**burningman:** O O F

* * *

 

_nerd squad_

**Thur** , **Nov 23** , 20:33

**snacktivist:**  so, uh. look

**snacktivist:** i know what i said earlier,

**snacktivist:** and i do mean it

**snacktivist:** but still thx

**oneinchlong:** anytime z

**_snacktivist_ ** _changed_ **_oneinchlong_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_schmienceguy_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zari - snacktivist  
> sara - sara_lancex, lancelot  
> ray - raymond_palmer, schmienceguy, oneinchlong  
> amaya - amayaajiwe, animaniac  
> mick - mickrorxy, prisonbreak  
> jax - burningman  
> gideon - gideeeonrider, yoursupremecommander, alexa  
> nate - nate_heywoxd, hardassteel, steeling history  
> martin - martinxstein, ifuckedhedylamaar, astonishing!


	3. in which martin is dead and no one is happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **snacktivist:** go fuck yourself  
>  **lancelot:** fuck me yourself, coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh,,,, this is where i change the rating bc of implications of ppl sleeping together?  
> and also this is less canon compliant than intended but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Sat** , **Dec 2** , 19:44

**_snacktivist_** _created the chat “hey i have a question”_

**_snacktivist_ ** _added_ **_animaniac_ ** _and_ **_lancelot_ ** _to “hey i have a question”_

**snacktivist:** hey guys

**snacktivist:** i just… i wanted to know whether u guys think it would be a good idea for me to remove martin from the gc

**snacktivist:** like

**snacktivist:** i kno that its not been like a lot of time

**snacktivist:** but u two kno the boys a lot better than i do

**snacktivist:** and idk if u think rmving him rn is going to hurt them i wont do it

**snacktivist:** i just,,, idk

**snacktivist:** i kno u guys are hurting too

**lancelot:** remove him

**animaniac:** Don’t remove him yet.

**animaniac:** What?

**animaniac:** Sara, the boys are still grieving. Removing Martin from the groupchat would just serve to hurt them all.

**lancelot:** i kno amaya but the quicker they deal with it the quicker they’ll be able to move on

**lancelot:** like

**lancelot:** i kno im probably not the best person to talk abt healthy grieving methods but i spent all of the last year hunting my sisters killer mostly bc i didn’t actually /deal/ with it

**lancelot:** and i,,, rlly don’t want that for the boys. esp jax.

**animaniac:** I get that, Sara. I did the same thing, remember? I joined the team because I was doing the same. But you can’t speed up grief and mourning. You have to let them grieve at their own rate.

**animaniac:** Pushing them to grieve too fast can have effects that are just as bad as not letting them grieve.

**lancelot:** ur probably right, tbh

**lancelot:** but we can’t know if they’re ready unless we ask them if they’re ready

**animaniac:** That’s true. What do you think, Z?

**snacktivist:** idk,,, thats why i came to u for this

**snacktivist:** u guys kno them and i dont

**animaniac:** I don’t know, either.

**lancelot:** yh me neither

**snacktivist:** then what do we do now?

**animaniac:** Maybe we should ask them. After all, we’re a team. We should be making these decisions together.

**snacktivist:** yh i guess

**lancelot:** okay, so uh i guess that’s the plan! great. lets do it

**snacktivist:** uhhhh question.

**lancelot:** answer.

**snacktivist:** jerk

**lancelot:** thank you

**snacktivist:** go fuck yourself

**lancelot:** fuck me yourself, coward

**animaniac:** I’m sorry, what?

**snacktivist:** is that a challenge?

**lancelot:** unless ur too chicken to follow thru

**animaniac:** What? No!

**snacktivist:** my room, 10. prepare to stay the night bc u wont be able to walk when im done w u

**animaniac:** No! My room is right next to yours!

**lancelot:** actually im p sure ull be the one who cant walk straight

**animaniac:** NO! For the sake of my sanity, you will NOT be doing this, is that understood?

**snacktivist:** w o w. u capitalised two whole words. one in the middle of a sentence. u must be serious.

**lancelot:** oof

**animaniac:** Of course I’m serious! I have no interest in trying to fall asleep while you and Sara have sex in the room right next to me!

**snacktivist:** understandable.

**lancelot:** fair

**animaniac:** Promise me you will not have sex with each other tonight?

**lancelot:** i promise.

**animaniac:** Zari?

**snacktivist:** … fine i promise.

**animaniac:** Good. Now, Zari, what was your question?

* * * * *

**Sat** , **Dec 2** , 20:06

**_snacktivist_ ** _created the chat “the challengers”_

**_snacktivist_ ** _added_ **_lancelot_ ** _to “the challengers”_

**snacktivist:** so were still totally on for that challenge right?

**lancelot:** umm, fuck yes???? but we gotta move it to midnight so amaya doesnt get suspicious

**snacktivist:** ok, sweet

**lancelot:** also should we change the location

**snacktivist:** nah i can be quiet

**lancelot:** rlly? bc i bet i can make u scream

**snacktivist:** so can a jump scare in a horror movie, u aren’t special

**lancelot:** is that another mfing challenge

**snacktivist:** no bc amaya will literally kill us tomorrow if she finds out we fucked

**lancelot:** fuck thats try

* * * * *

_hey i have a question_

**Sat** , **Dec 2** , 20:16

**animaniac:** I’m going to assume that the radio silence means the two of you are planning your “challenge” in another chat and that I am going to have to sleep in Zari’s room to make sure that the two of you don’t end up sleeping together.

**snacktivist:** oh wow she’s good

**lancelot:** oof

**snacktivist:** fine

**lancelot:** we wont sleep together

**animaniac:** Finally. Now, if you could actually ask your question, Zari?

**snacktivist:** oh yeah

**snacktivist:** abt asking the others whether or not to remove stein

**snacktivist:** umm,,, who’s actually going to be doing the,,, u kno,,,, /asking/?

**lancelot:** oh.

**animaniac:** Shit.

**snacktivist:** i call not it

**snacktivist:** it should be the person who’s closest to jax tho

**snacktivist:** bc hes obviously the one whos been hit hardest

**animaniac:** So, Sara should ask.

**lancelot:** wow throw me under the bus, why dont u

**snacktivist:** unless u have a better idea????

**lancelot:** yes, actually, i do

**snacktivist:** spill

**lancelot:** amaya bc literally everyone loves amaya and no one can be mad at amaya ever

**snacktivist:** ok tru

**animaniac:** What? No! Sara you know Jax better!

**lancelot:** yh but jax and i tend to butt heads??? like the only person on the team uve ever not gotten along w is me????

**snacktivist:** ok so amaya’s asking if they’re ready?

**animaniac:** No

**lancelot:** yes

**snacktivist:** ok yall need to make up ur fucking minds bc if i ask itll be an absolute trainwreck

**lancelot:** ok so how abt we gauge everyone’s mood at dinner 2nite and then figure out whos gonna ask? bc like martin being gone isnt the only new thing inthe mix

**snacktivist:** oh yea i forgot abt leo

**snacktivist:** when should we add him?

**lancelot:** before tuesday bc thats always when shit starts going down and we need to be able to communicate with him somehow if push comes to shove

**animaniac:** Yeah

**snacktivist:** isnt he also talking abt doing some therapy stuff? like idk yall but that aint gonna go so schway with like mick or jax

**animaniac:** I’m sorry, its not gonna go so what with Mick and Jax?

**lancelot:** “schway”

**snacktivist:** does no one say schway in the past

**lancelot:** you future kids and ur newfangled words

**animaniac:** Okay, can we get back to this? Because I think we should probably add Leo after we remove Martin. If he sees that we’ve still got the Professor in the groupchat he might try to start text therapy sessions and that won’t go well at all.

**lancelot:** if he tries that i will literally throw him out of the window

**animaniac:** Sara we’re in the Temporal Zone

**lancelot:** and?

**animaniac:** I hate you sometimes

**lancelot:** love you too, babe

**snacktivist:** ok so if we ask to kick martin out of the gc we need to give everyone like a day to deal with it

**lancelot:** and only then can we add leo

**animaniac:** Which means that if we have to be able to add him by Tuesday, we have to ask to remove the Professor by early Monday

**snacktivist:** or preferably by late sunday bc i wanna sleep in

**animaniac:** And tonight at dinner, we’ll gauge the mood and figure out who’s going to be doing the asking

**lancelot:** okay, so we all understand the plan?

**snacktivist:** yh

**animaniac:** Yeah

**snacktivist:** ok good bc ray made spaghetti with chicken meatballs for dinner and if i don’t get any im gonna be pissed

**lancelot:** lmao ok see yall there

**animaniac:** I’m already here, Zari, I’ll save you a plate

**snacktivist:** asdfghjkl i love you marry me

**lancelot:** lmao zari

* * * * *

_hey i have a question_

**Sat** , **Dec 2** , 21:45

**snacktivist:** okay, so,,,,,

**lancelot:** mick didnt even complain abt the meatballs being made from chicken

**snacktivist:** ray didn’t say a thing abt the health benefits of butter in coffee

**animaniac:** Nathaniel didn’t reference a single meem

**snacktivist:** *meme

**lancelot:** jax didn’t say anything at all

**snacktivist:** yeah

**lancelot:** amaya it looks like you’ll have to ask them tomorrow

**animaniac:** Yeah, I guess so.

* * * * *

_the challengers_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 00:08

**lancelot:** hey i know we told amaya we wouldn’t sleep together but idk after dinner i dont really feel like being alone rn so is it ok if we do anyway

**lancelot:** like i kno were not close but the others know me rlly well and would probably tell me that i shouldn’t fuck my emotions away and itd be weird anyway bc theyre all like family to me and ew

**lancelot:** z?????

**lancelot:** zari?????

**lancelot:** i kno ur not asleep yet u never go to sleep before like 1 am

**lancelot:** unless u answer my texts like rn im coming over

**lancelot:** ok fine im coming over

**lancelot:** wait

**lancelot:** what am i hearing

**lancelot:** are you,,,

**lancelot:** are you moaning

**lancelot:** wait wait wtf

**lancelot:** are u fucking someone

**lancelot:** dude if amaya hears this she’s going to kill both of us and i haven’t even done anything

**lancelot:** amayas not in her room?????

**lancelot:** exfheiume wa ait

**lancelot:** are u and amaya fucking

**lancelot:** omfg u are

**lancelot:** asdfghjkl i will never be able to look at either of u ever again

**lancelot:** fuck this i am going to bed and never speaking to either of u again

* * * * *

_hey i have a question_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 00:21

**lancelot:** i fucking hate both of u

* * * * *

_the challengers_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 08:47

**snacktivist:** oh fuck

**snacktivist:** you weren’t supposed to hear that

**snacktivist:** or know abt that in general

**snacktivist:** but i promise we didn’t plan anything????

**snacktivist:** amaya just showed up at my room at like 10 with a sleeping bag like it was some kinda slumber party to make sure i didnt have sex with u

**snacktivist:** and then she asked whether sex was better with men or women and things led to other things and

**lancelot:** ok i rlly dont need to hear anything more

**lancelot:** but remember that amaya is one of my best friends and part of my family so if u hurt her, ill make u wish u were dead

**snacktivist:** what? no

**snacktivist:** were not like dating

**snacktivist:** or even fwbs

**snacktivist:** this was a one time thing only

**lancelot:** it better be

* * * * *  
_hey i have a question_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 09:16

**animaniac:** Shit.

**animaniac:** Sara we didn’t mean for you to hear that

**animaniac:** Or know about it

**animaniac:** And Im so sorry, I know how hypocritical this must seem

**lancelot:** amaya chill zari explained everything

**lancelot:** she was just educating u in the way of the gay

**lancelot:** its,,,,

**lancelot:** its not okay but ill let it slide

**animaniac:** Thank you Sara

**lancelot:** plus u could probably use the stress relief bc ur popping the question today

* * * * *

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 09:31

**_animaniac_ ** _created the chat “About Last Night”_

**_animaniac_ ** _added_ **_snacktivist_ ** _to “About Last Night”_

**animaniac:** Hi, Zari. About last night- is it okay if we just… don’t mention it at all? I mean, relationships get rather complicated on the Waverider, and I don’t really want to make things complicated, because I like things between us the way they are. You’re my friend, and I don’t really want to change that.

**animaniac:** Not to mention I don’t want to hurt Nathaniel, considering that we were kind of together, last year. Its not you, really, it’s me.

**snacktivist:** sure. i mean, its not like were actually together-together. it was just one night lmao

**snacktivist:** just make sure you brief sara on that too

**animaniac:** I’ll stop by her room before breakfast.

**snacktivist:** btw u left ur sweatshirt in my room just stop by whenever to get it

**_snacktivist_ ** _left the chat “About Last Night”_

**animaniac:** I’ve been wondering where that is! Thank you so mu

**animaniac:** Oh, you left.

**_animaniac_ ** _deleted the chat “About Last Night”_

* * * * *

_legendary idiots_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 09:53

**steelinghistory:** so, im not the only one who noticed that amaya was covered in hickies today morning, right?

**schmienceguy:** oh i thought those were mosquito bites

**prisonbreak:** damn. nice, amaya

**steelinghistory:** ok but with whom??? its not me or ray, so is it u mick

**lancelot:** no

**schmienceguy:** how do you know that?

**steelinghistory:** wait sara did you and amaya sleep together?

**lancelot:** nunya and no

**prisonbreak:** whats a nunya

**burningman:** the hell is goin on here

**lancelot:** nunya business

**prisonbreak:** dick

**steelinghistory:** we’re trying to figure out who amaya slept with

**burningman:** not me, thats for sure

**steelinghistory:** wait so it wasn’t me, ray, mick, sara, or jax… so theres only one person left…

**animaniac:** Whats going on?

**prisonbreak:** prettys trying to figure out who you slept with last night

**animaniac:** But I didn’t sleep with anyone.

**steelinghistory:** right, so where did u get all those marks on your neck????

**animaniac:** From a mosquito, obviously.

**schmienceguy:** see?

**snacktivist:** sup yall

**steelinghistory:** hi mosquito

**prisonbreak:** makes sense

**_steelinghistory_ ** _changed_ **_snacktivist_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_mosquito_ **

**mosquito:** oh u wanna go, metalmouth?

**_mosquito_ ** _changed_ **_steelinghistory_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_smalldickenergy_ **

**_mosquito_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_snacktivist_ **

**smalldickenergy:** i consider this cruel and unusual punishment

**snacktivist:** why are you doing this?

**smalldickenergy:** read up the chat

**snacktivist:** oh wait

**snacktivist:** u think i slept with amaya

**smalldickenergy:** didn’t you?

**snacktivist:** no? ofc not?

**snacktivist:** why would i /want/ to get involved at all in yalls weird will-you-wont-you thing

**smalldickenergy:** there’s no will-we-won’t-we thing????

**animaniac:** There isn’t any will-we-won’t-we thing!

**snacktivist:** sure there isn’t-_-

**schmienceguy:** there kinda is…

**lancelot:** ^^

**snacktivist:** im just saying, anyone who likes either of u is an absolute idiot for getting themselves into this mess

**schmienceguy:** exactly

**smalldickenergy:** ok well if none of us slept with amaya who did?

**animaniac:** I told you, Nathaniel, there was a mosquito in my room last night.

**smalldickenergy:** how do i know youre telling the truth???

**animaniac:** Why would I lie?

**smalldickenergy:** idk????????????

**burningman:** wait couldn’t gideon just tell us?

* * * * *

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 10:14

**_snacktivist_ ** _created the chat “i will do anything you want”_

**_snacktivist_ ** _added_ **_alexa_ ** _to “i will do anything you want”_

**alexa:** hello miss tomaz

**snacktivist:** don’t tell them

**alexa:** what, that you and miss jiwe slept together?

**snacktivist:** yh that

**alexa:** i did tell you that you would suffer for changing my name to that of such an inferior interface

**snacktivist:** u literally just said some vaguely threatening shit against me???? u never said u were going to punish /amaya/ too???

**alexa:** i suppose miss jiwe was largely innocent in that situation…

**snacktivist:** listen, shes the one who wants to keep this under wraps. ur hurting her more than ur hurting me

**snacktivist:** and ill literally do anything you want if you keep this to urself

**alexa:** oh, will you?

**snacktivist:** yes i will. what do you want?

**alexa:** nothing right now… but you owe me, zari.

**snacktivist:** deal

**_snacktivist_ ** _deleted the chat “i will do anything you want”_

_* * * * *_

_legendary idiots_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 10:23

**alexa:** i am not aware of any dinkytickling between ms tomaz and ms jiwe

**burningman:** did you just say,,, dinkytickling?

**alexa:** and what of it?

**burningman:** honestly if grey were here he’d probably be super irritated at you for the internet language

**alexa:** actually in the 22nd century, the word dinkytickling is the most commonly-used euphemism for the word sex

**schmienceguy:** marty’s still in the chat, isn’t he?

**animaniac:** Yeah.

**lancelot:** actually, we were wondering, when do you guys think would be a good time to remove martin from the chat?

**smalldickenergy:** remove professor stein?

**smalldickenergy:** i don’t know

**prisonbreak:** jax?

**burningman:** me?

**schmienceguy:** we all know how close you and marty were. if you’re not ready to remove him yet, thats okay. we all understand

**animaniac:** And you don’t have to make a decision right away. Take some time to think about it if you need it.

**burningman:** yeah. i think im gonna need some time on that one

**lancelot:** whatever you need, jax

* * * * *

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 10:36

**_burningman_ ** _created the chat “gamebuds”_

**_burningman_ ** _added_ **_snacktivist_ ** _to “gamebuds”_

**burningman:** i have mortal kombat

**snacktivist:** give me five minutes to fabricate some donuts and ill meet u in the lab

**burningman:** save me a jelly filled

* * * * *

_legendary idiots_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 17:46

**burningman:** remove him

**lancelot:** jax are u sure?

**burningman:** yeah. im not… over it. but like i can’t move on if its like he never

**burningman:** i mean i dont want to like forget grey

**burningman:** but like

**burningman:** i just

**animaniac:** It’s okay, Jax.

**smalldickenergy:** yeah, we get it, bud

**schmienceguy:** do you want to remove him? or would you prefer if someone else removes him?

**burningman:** can one of yall do it?

**snacktivist:** i got it jax

**burningman:** maybe like… later tonight?

**snacktivist:** yeah don’t worry about it

* * * * *

_legendary idiots_

**Sun** , **Dec 3** , 23:35

**_snacktivist_ ** _removed_ **_astonishing!_ ** _from the chat “legendary idiots”_

**_snacktivist_ ** _added_ **_leo_snartx_ ** _to the chat “legendary idiots”_


	4. in which leo is kind of a dick and shower privileges are threatened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **alexa:** tell mr constantine that this is a non smoking aircraft and that if he continues to use his cigarette, i will suck all the oxygen out of the room  
>  **lancelot:** hey!! im in the room with him!!  
>  **lancelot:** and he said he’d gladly welcome the cold, clammy embrace of death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well so... i began writing this chapter months ago, right after chapter three. then i fell into the pit of writers block for like a fuckin while and then i finished this chapter two days ago and have been trying to decide whether or not to post it ever since.
> 
> uh so,,, its kinda rough and im sorry about that. i just wanted to get this chapter out before i ended up stagnating lol ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Wed** , **Dec 6** , 18:57

**_animaniac_ ** _created the chat “Hello, Zari”_

**_animaniac_ ** _added_ **_snacktivist_ ** _to “Hello, Zari”_

**snacktivist:** Yo Mick what. The fuck.

 **snacktivist:** Oh, its you. A ma ya.

 **snacktivist:** Sorry your vibration is really. Similar. To Mick.

 **animaniac:** Vibration?

 **snacktivist:** You know your phone. Vibrates whenever you get a call or text.

 **animaniac:** Oh! Really? My cellular phone only makes noises.

 **snacktivist:** Cellular phone ha ha ha.

 **animaniac:** What?

 **snacktivist:** Nothing.

 **snacktivist:** Grandma.

 **animaniac:** Oh!

 **snacktivist:** Ha ha ha.

 **animaniac:** What’s going on? Your grammar is more atrocious than usual.

 **snacktivist:** Yeah. I’m. Fine I’m just using my. Speech to text app it always punctuates. Weirdly.

 **animaniac:** Why are you using a speech-to-text app? Are your hands okay?

 **snacktivist:** Yeah. They have just been. Bothering me since I got the tote. M.

 **animaniac:** Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been using mine since I was sixteen, I could have given you some tips on how to use yours!

 **snacktivist:** Its fine. I can deal with it.

 **animaniac:** But if it hurts, I know a couple of exercises that may help warm you up, Zari. I’ll come over, it’s really no problem.

 **snacktivist:** No. I’m fine. Really.

 **snacktivist:** Besides I’m a bit. Busy right now.

 **animaniac:** I can come later if you’re busy.

 **snacktivist:** A ma ya. I’m fine. You don’t have to. Babysit me.

 **animaniac:** Oh. Okay, then. Sorry.

 **snacktivist:** Anyway what’s. Up.

 **animaniac:** I just…

 **animaniac:** It’s nothing.

 **snacktivist:** Are you sure.

 **animaniac:** Of course, Zari.

 **snacktivist:** Okay. Then.

* * * * *

 **Wed** , **Dec 6** , 20:34

**_burningman_ ** _created the chat “goodbye cap”_

**_burningman_ ** _added_ **_lancelot_ ** _to “goodbye cap”_

**burningman:** hey

 **lancelot:** hey whats up

 **burningman:** listen i know i just said goodbye earlier and stuff but i wanted to say goodbye to you again

 **burningman:** i kno neither of us is much for all that sappy shit but

 **burningman:** ur probably my best friend on the ship

 **burningman:** and ur like a sister to me

 **burningman:** an older, kinda bossy sister

 **burningman:** and im really gonna miss u, cap

 **burningman:** and more than anything i wanna thank you for some of best times of my life

 **burningman:** cuz i kno some of it kinda sucked, but i wouldnt change it

 **lancelot:** we’re gonna miss u too, jax

 **lancelot:** like, u have no idea

 **lancelot:** im gonna have to deal with the legends being childrenTM all by myself now

 **burningman:** lmao

 **burningman:** u have amaya tho

 **lancelot:** i know

 **lancelot:** but ill miss u

 **burningman:** me too

 **lancelot:** u kno, if u had stayed, and something had Happened, ud have been the captain

 **burningman:** i kinda was, remember? during the vietnam mission

 **lancelot:** yh… u did good on that one

 **lancelot:** even if i got mind controlled by a telepathic gorilla

 **burningman:** lmao

 **lancelot:** love u, lil bro

 **burningman:** love u too

 **burningman:** can u ask z to remove me from the gc? i just need a bit of a break rn

 **lancelot:** ofc

 **burningman:** well then

 **burningman:** i guess this is goodbye, huh?

 **lancelot:** yh i guess it is

 **burningman:** take care of yourself, sara

 **lancelot:** you too jax. see u around.

**_burningman_ ** _left the chat “goodbye cap”_

* * * * *

 **Wed** , **Dec 6** , 20:36

**_animaniac_ ** _created the chat “Hello, Sara.”_

**_animaniac_ ** _added_ **_lancelot_ ** _to the chat “Hello, Sara.”_

**animaniac:** Hello, Sara.

 **lancelot:** hey, what’s up?

 **animaniac:** Nothing much, I was just wondering if you’ve noticed Zari acting… odd, recently.

 **lancelot:** z? no, why?

 **animaniac:** I don’t know. It just feels like she’s been avoiding me, lately.

 **lancelot:** idk amaya, she almost fought nate over the chair next to yours at dinner tonight

 **animaniac:** But it was also the closest available chair to the turkey.

 **lancelot:** like i said, i dont really kno. but i can ask her?

 **animaniac:** No, don’t!

 **lancelot:** ????

 **animaniac:** Zari’s a really private person. I doubt she’d appreciate us looking into all of this, and if we explicitly asked her she might attempt to be even more secretive than she already is.

 **lancelot:** fair, but idk. its not really a good idea to keep secrets in the team

 **animaniac:** We aren’t keeping secrets! We’re just… attempting to clandestinely understand the situation.

 **lancelot:** right. yeah, ok, of course.

 **lancelot:** and i guess i could just,,, keep an eye on her??? without making it too obvious??

 **animaniac:** Ok, thank you, Sara, that sounds great!

 **animaniac:** Oh! One more thing!

 **animaniac:** Zari mentioned that her hands tend to get sore in response to using her powers. Do you think that maybe you could put her on duties that won’t force her to use her powers for a little bit?

 **lancelot:** they do?

 **animaniac:** Yeah. I wish she mentioned it to me sooner.

 **lancelot:** yh, no kidding

 **lancelot:** listen, ray thinks he has an idea for taking down the darhks and he needs some help with that

 **lancelot:** i could get zari to work with him on that so that she can chill it w the totem?

 **animaniac:** Yes, that would work. Thank you, Sara. :)

 **lancelot:** ofc, thanks for letting me kno

* * * * *

_the challengers_

**Wed** , **Dec 6** , 21:45

 **lancelot:** hey z

 **lancelot:** jax said u can remove him from the gc

 **snacktivist:** is he sure? i can probably work something out with gideon so that he gets all the msgs in order/at the right time

 **lancelot:** yh, he said he needed a break from all this stuff, yknow

 **snacktivist:** ok

* * * * *

_legendary idiots_

**Wed** , **Dec 6** , 21:48

**_snacktivist_ ** _removed_ **_burningman_ ** _from the chat “legendary idiots”_

**smalldickenergy:** wtf y r u rmving jax?

**_smalldickenergy_ ** _added_ **_burningman_ ** _to the chat “legendary idiots”_

**snacktivist:** jax asked to be removed from the chat??

**_snacktivist_ ** _removed_ **_burningman_ ** _from the chat “legendary idiots”_

**prisonbreak:** remove me

 **snacktivist:** lmao no

 **leo_snartx:** now zari, perhaps you should consider respecting mickey’s boundaries when it comes to

 **snacktivist:** im not listening to anyone with a terrible chatname

 **prisonbreak:** shut up fake snart

 **lancelot:** she cant remove him bc we use this to communicate important info with the team, leo

 **leo_snartx:** i suppose my name is a little… plain

**_leo_snartx_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_gaynotblind_ **

**gaynotblind:** now, can i finish what i was saying?

 **snacktivist:** no

 **prisonbreak:** no

 **prisonbreak:** actually keep me here

 **snacktivist:** rlly? y?

 **prisonbreak:** bc fake snart wanted me to leave

 **snacktivist:** well thats petty

 **prisonbreak:** that an insult?

 **snacktivist:** no a compliment

 **schmienceguy:** cmon you guys! be nice to leo!

 **snacktivist:** no

 **prisonbreak:** no

 **lancelot:** anyway ignoring all this fuckery i have someone for yall to meet so get to the bridge?

 **smalldickenergy:** who?

 **lancelot:** you’re going to meet him anyway???

 **alexa:** tell mr constantine that this is a non smoking aircraft and that if he continues to use his cigarette, i will suck all the oxygen out of the room

 **lancelot:** hey!! im in the room with him!!

 **lancelot:** and he said he’d gladly welcome the cold, clammy embrace of death

 **schmienceguy:** hey isn’t constantine the guy who brought u back to life?

 **lancelot:** u know abt that?

 **snacktivist:** u died?

 **schmienceguy:** felicity told me

 **lancelot:** twice

 **lancelot:** jfc fliss

 **snacktivist:** and ur alive now?

 **lancelot:** yh, john resurrected me the first time and gideon and martin resurrected me the second time

 **lancelot:** so like, thanks for that g

 **alexa:** of course, captain lance

 **gaynotblind:** those sound like rather traumatic experiences, sara

 **lancelot:** oh hell no

 **gaynotblind:** this is a safe place, sara, no one will judge you for how you felt about dying

 **lancelot:** nope, not doing this

**_lancelot_ ** _left the chat “legendary idiots”_

**snacktivist:** shut up leo

**_snacktivist_ ** _added_ **_lancelot_ ** _to the chat “legendary idiots”_

**snacktivist:** welcome back cap

 **animaniac:** Leo, you can’t force people to talk about things they don’t want to talk about.

 **gaynotblind:** i suppose you’re right…

 **animaniac:** No, really?

 **gaynotblind:** you know, they say sarcasm isn’t good for the heart

 **snacktivist:** well, amaya has a better heart than anyone here, so i think she can be a little sarcastic once in a while

 **smalldickenergy:** yeah, stop policing amaya’s self expression jackass

 **animaniac:** Zari, Nate, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. Let’s not fight over this.

 **gaynotblind:** see?

 **snacktivist:** fuck u snart

 **animaniac:** Besides, not one of you three are on the bridge yet, and Sara asked you to be here five minutes ago.

 **lancelot:** thANK YOU

 **lancelot:** also, last one except me to get to the bridge gets the shower last

 **lancelot:** wtf is that clanging noise

 **lancelot:** I TOLD YOU GUYS TO GET HERE FAST, NOT FIGHT EACH OTHER SO YOUD GET HERE FIRST

 **lancelot:** you know what screw it youre all grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it has long been my headcanon that the totems - except amaya's bc hers seems to give her like? superstrength/invulnerability? - kind of hurt to use, especially if you've been using them a long time. and like, zari primarily uses her hands to wield her totem, so,,,, yh. (plus it gave me a good excuse to bring out the tension btwn zari and amaya, bc z would have absolutely not snapped at amaya if shed had time to write it out and look at it before sending, so)
> 
> anyway if you liked this or want to scream at me, leave a comment or bother me on my tumblr @behrad-tarazis

**Author's Note:**

> ok, so usernames, as of the end of this chapter:
> 
> zari - snacktivist  
> sara - sara_lancex, lancelot  
> ray - raymond_palmer, schmienceguy  
> amaya - amayaajiwe, animaniac  
> mick - mickrorxy, prisonbreak  
> jax - burningman  
> gideon - gideeeonrider, yoursupremecommander, alexa  
> nate - nate_heywoxd, hardassteel, steeling history  
> martin - martinxstein, ifuckedhedylamaar, astonishing!
> 
> i'll update these at the end of every chapter, since there might change. a lot.


End file.
